Mis queridos muchachos...

Dear Red M&M,
I wrote a really gorgeous poem about you two and half years ago. I reread it and it needs to be rewritten.

Later!
Totes over you.

Dear Cute C. the Cook,
YSB's back. But you are still my eye candy at work.

Wink,
Your coworker.

Other cook,
Why are you smiling at me all of a sudden?!

Warily yours,
Chess

Dear Teller,
I have two transactions to make today. One to savings and one to checking. Maybe I'll come inside and we can make seven people wait behind me again while we chat? :)

Sincerely,
Chess

Dear Tenants of 2 Frat 2 Furious,
You all ruined my New Year's Eve.

Annoyed (but still your seemingly only female friend),
Chester

Dear Yummy Smelling Boy,
I've a mad crush on you, still. It would be swell if you felt the same way. You should let me know. :)

Love,
Chess

I'm feeling way gruesome.

Happy New Year!! I know this is supposed to be a positive time or whatever. Time for new goals and a clean slate and all that junk. I have an awesome list of goals. But right now, all I can think about is dying. Isn't that terrible? But that's what I've been thinking about today. (And I'm scaring myself. It's like when Anne Shirley imagines herself perishing and makes herself cry. Which made me laugh.)

What if I were sick and knew I was going to die? Who would I tell? What would I do? With whom would I spend my last days? What rubbish would I eat? (Doughnuts for dinner or banana pudding? Or both?) What frivolous purchase would I spend all of my money on? Where would I go for my last chance vacation?

What secrets would I confess? (*cough*YSB*cough*)

Would anyone come to my funeral? Would anyone miss me?

Sorry. This is weird. Clearly, I need a break from working so much.

You know that part in Tangled where Flynn Rider goes, "Guys, I want a castle"?

Well, just imagine that tone of voice, when I say,

"Groupies, I'm going to grad school."

Things that made me laugh this Christmas...

This conversation:

Context: I stuffed mini-stockings for my friends' Christmas presents. Each one had a plastic party favor medal that said "Winner!" on it.

"You gave us each one! We can't all be winners!"

"If only this said 'Chessie's friend' on it--I would never take it off."

"I'd tattoo 'Chessie's friend' on my chest."

"I will die wearing this."

These text messages (from a boy):

"Merry Christmas! I hope you got the Polly Pocket you asked for."

"You left a flower ring here, by the way. I'd give it back, but I can't stop wearing it."

These movie quotes:

"Please bless this highly nutritious microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen."

"Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof."

"When what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting whatever you've got left."

"When I've figured what that means, I'll come up with a crushing reply."

How was your Christmas??!!

Sometimes I say things I shouldn't...

just because I know how disgusted my friends will be with me. It's how I know they love me.

"Chess, what are you listening to these days?"

"Justin Bieber's Christmas album."

(It's true though. I'm listening to it. Like right now.)

Haha.

I like happy orange juice...

It's easier to drink if it's smiling at you.

(Which is why this is the only kind I buy.)

Guys, there's another one.

YSB 2.0

How do I know this? Sat next to him in the movie theater watching a stupid movie.

Ah, deja vu.

(Did I mention he's a cook at the restaurant? That started working after I had that dream...)

What do I do?! (Haha.)