Last Night Made Me Realize...

That I must never, never graduate.

Because then I have no free entrance to Aggie Basketball.

And if I can't go to Aggie Basketball,

(other than the fact that I'll shrivel up and die),

then I can't enjoy Aggie Basketball halftimes.

If I can't enjoy Aggie Basketball halftimes,

then I can't enjoy this:

(recorded a year ago)

Last night's performance was just as, if not more, wonderful!

Who doesn't want to see old women doing the robot?

So I can't graduate.

Ever.

Obviously.

Insert Guffaw...

So I was at the gym tonight. Yes. As a matter of fact, I do exercise. I bet you thought I was just born beautiful and fit.

HA.

HAHA.

HAHAHA.

I digress. I'm sweating away and a-people-watching on my elliptical machine, when I see this kid I recognize from my freshman year ward. He's working out in a Hooters t-shirt. 

Classy, Dustin, really classy.

Two seconds later, I see a girl taking off her jacket, wearing a t-shirt that reads "Single?" on the front.

Courtesy of SE Needham Jewelers, where

 "Utah Gets Engaged," 

as the shirt proudly proclaims on the back. 

(I may or may not own this shirt, but if I did, it would only be because it was FREE, and I would only wear it to bed.) 

Translation of both t-shirts: 

"Yes. Yes, I am desperate." 

All I wanted to do was hop off the machine and run to both of them, bring them together, and say, "OMG, if there were two people that were so totally MFEO, it would be you!"

I settled for giggling really hard to myself.

Dear Problem...

Every time I think you have finally gone away--

Every time I think I can get past the pain and trouble you've caused me--

You just. come. back.

Is this where I say in a hopeful tone, "Third time's the charm?"

Because this is the third time.

Please, oh please.

Just go away and leave me alone.

I'm begging you.

Sittin' Pretty...

Is what I'm doing at the middle school where I work. (Well, I don't know about the pretty part. My eyes are pretty puffy from crying all night. Long story. If you're my best friend, I'll tell you later.)

I'm in the 8th grade counselor's office. She's been sick this week. She has heaps of candy in her desk drawer and cupboards. The other counselors and secretaries steal it, and tried to peer pressure me into partaking of it with them, but I refused, citing the eighth commandment.

I hold a pretty powerful position:

Full command of the copier.

Access to the writing lab and its printer.

And you don't know the meaning of power until you have an entire pad of hall-passes at your fingertips. And a minion office aide to do your bidding.

Actually, I'm not sure if he is an office aide. Maybe I should ask? 

I ride the bus to work. I love riding the bus. I love that the bus is warm when I get on. I love that the seats are so high my feet dangle above the floor. I love pulling the cord that tells the driver he needs to stop and let me off. But most of all, I love watching the people.

Can I tell you about my favorite time to ride the bus?

My favorite time to ride is Wednesday mornings. On Wednesday morning, school doesn't start until an hour later, so two of the passengers happen to be two middle-schoolers. They get on with their dad and he rides with them as far as Lee's Marketplace. I think he works there. Dad puts his arms around his son and daughter, gives them a quick squeeze, and waves as he gets off the bus. As the bus pulls away from the curb, he turns around as he's walking across the parking lot and waves to his kids one last time. And they wave back to him.

(It gets me right there. Every time.)

I start every Wednesday with a smile on my face.

Because there's simple, beautiful love in the world.

TRUE LOVE.

And I get to see it in a little, often forgotten, place called the bus.

Life is pretty special sometimes. 

Purple Hair...

I wanted some.

So I got me some.

(I kind of love it.) 

The Most Underrated Woman...

I was thinking today in church. The lesson was on creation, and our Heavenly Family, and the nature of God. We talked a lot about how Heavenly Father knows each of us individually, how He loves us and cares for us, how He listens and answers our prayers. How He rejoices when we are happy and righteous and mourns when we are sad. And I thought, "Wait a minute! We are forgetting someone really important here!"

I mean, if we are talking about heavenly families, how is it that we can forget our Heavenly Mother?! We believe in her existence. We reference her in the hymn, "O My Father."  Eliza R. Snow wrote those words after learning about the concept of heavenly parents (also acknowledged in "The Family, A Proclamation to the World") from Joseph Smith, Jr.. Did you know that the song's original title was "Invocation, or The Eternal Father and Mother"? Well, now you do. Don't get me wrong. We don't worship her or pray to her, but we acknowledge her to be the wife and queen of our Heavenly Father, and the Mother of our spirits.

Now I'm not preaching or saying that any of this is true or doctrinally sound, but I just have a feeling that she has more of a presence and purpose in our lives that we may not fully recognize. Remember how we are told that women as mothers have an incredible and innate capability to love and have compassion? I wonder where we inherited that... I wonder--even though we don't worship her--if perhaps a great portion of the love and comfort we feel when praying to our Heavenly Father comes from her. Maybe she's saying, "I know you don't speak to me directly, but I'm sending my love to you through your Father. Because I'm here and I love you." I'm sure she worries and cares about us as much as our Heavenly Father does, if not more. She probably sees all of the problems we deal with and knows the prayers in our hearts too, even though they are directed to God.

It may seem presumptuous to some, but I really don't think it is. We believe we were created in God's image. If we believe in a Heavenly Mother, then it makes sense we were also created in her image. Think about your mom. Doesn't she know when you're having a bad day? Doesn't she have the ability to make you feel better even though she can't fix your problems? Remember how you know she loves you, even without her saying so? I think our moms here on Earth are able to take care of us so well, because they were created to be like our Heavenly Mother.

Imagine! Our moms loves us so much. SO MUCH. Imagine a woman, a heavenly and divine woman, with the capability to mother, to watch, and to love generations upon generations of children. We are her children. She knows us by name. How could she not? She knows what we are like, how we think, who we are. Why? Because she's our Mother. She's eternal, immortal, and perfect. We think our Heavenly Father's love is beyond comprehension. How do you measure incomprehensible love, compassion, and mercy when you multiply it by two loving and Heavenly Parents?

I think that's amazing!

It's Friday Afternoon...

I've attended all my classes.

I've made my bed every day.

Read my scriptures almost every day.

Paid all my bills for the month.

I worked 16 hours.

I bought heaps of books.

(I still haven't written that last paper.)

I'm trying to be completely happy again. I'm getting there.

Slowly.

Thank goodness you've arrived, dear weekend!

The Muppets Meet Queen...

So I saw this video last night, and I thought, "Wow. This is hilarious! It reminds me of Kelsha and Cody. I should post it!" And then I thought, "It's too late to do it tonight. I'll do it tomorrow."

This morning, I look at Cody's blog, and what should I see? Another video starring the Muppets is staring back at me!! Do I know these people a little, or what?

So here you are, Kelsha and Cody. Know that I think of you, even though I never see you anymore.

2010's To-Do...

I believe in goals, not resolutions.

New Year's Goals for 2010

1.  Bear my testimony in sacrament meeting (something I've never had the courage to do)
2.  Read the Old Testament, D&C, and Pearl of Great Price
3.  Maintain at least a 3.5 GPA
4.  Sew a cool dress
5.  Paint a picture
6.  Grow my hair long again

(Yes. That was my hair two years ago.)

7.  Find money. Somewhere. Anywhere.
8.  Be nicer to myself--I'm kinda mean sometimes
9.  Exercise more and eat better (i.e. one dish of cookie dough instead of two--haha!)

10. Be happy!!

Goodbye 2009...

I've enjoyed you, despised you at times, and best of all....

Here's what I've learned from you:

1. It's okay to cry.
2. It's okay to like yourself.
3. If you think you can't handle a class, don't. Drop it. Learned that the hard way. Twice.
4. Teachers are nice (for the most part).
5. Cookie dough can cure almost anything. So can chocolate. And peanut butter.
6. Forgiveness is hard. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you won't be sad about what has been done. And forgetting seems to be even more difficult than forgiveness. But anger and resentment is so much harder and hurts so much more. At least, I know it would. So I took the easier way out. (EasiER. Not easy.)
7. If you can't bear your testimony in words, bear it in the way you live your life.
8. A smile from a stranger can make you walk on air. Try to be that smiling stranger in someone else's life.
9. Don't be afraid. Not of anything.
10. Honesty is always the best policy. But ALWAYS accompany truth with kindness and tact.
11. Cooking an entire Thanksgiving dinner is easy-peasy.
12. Sometimes homework is not important.
13. People are important.
14. The best times are inevitably paired with the worst times.
15. The brownie delights at Casper's are heaven on a little glass plate.
16. I really, REALLY love hugs. 
17. I'm a pretty good country dancer.
18. Sometimes shouting and throwing things feel really good.
19. People are people. Even those high up.
20. You don't have to do anything with your degree after you earn it.
21. French fries and ice cream always go together.
22. Cherish your true friends and your true friends will cherish you.
23. Beauty is happiness.
24. Happiness is beautiful.
25. Always take the opportunity to tell people that you care about/love/admire/look up to them.
26. All 13-year-olds are brats.
27. 13-year-olds grow up and change.
28. Heavenly Father loves me.
29. Prayers are answered. Not always when you want them to be. Sometimes it takes months. They are not always answered how you thought they would be. Sometimes you won't see them answered firsthand and you'll only get to hear about it secondhand. Sometimes you'll never know if they were answered. They're still answered.
30. The Church is STILL true.
31. How do I know this? Because 19-year-old boys are babies. They are babies. And we let them loose on the world for two years. And we let them represent and teach the gospel. And people join the Church! That's how I know the Church is true. 

Thank you, 2009!