Dear Freshmen,

You are 18 years old.
I'm starting my fifth year of college.
Please, please don't flirt with me.

Just don't.

Thanks.

I'm HOME!!!

In my new house. In my new room!!!

Lookee! 

School starts on Monday, and while I'm not looking forward to homework, 

I couldn't be more excited to see my friends.

Meg came up yesterday for a little bit to move her freshman brother into his new apartment and to grocery shop. I went and helped, and we met most of the young lads who will be his new roommates. It is this experience that has made me realize how different girls and boys are. Well, let me rephrase: It has made me realize more how different girls and boys are.

Reasons I know I am a girl, and not a boy: 

• One day I will be the mother with the huge handbag and all the necessities. These boys brought nothing. I brought EVERYTHING. An entire van stuffed with it. Need a Band-Aid? Waterproof Disney princesses. A cold? Airborne and zinc lozenges. Want to write Thank You notes? I have cardstock, pens, markers, stickers. Want to make a mural? Two boxes of sidewalk chalk. Feeling like being rude? A book called Shakespeare's Insults. Need to cut your apple? Purple knife.
• I know and use the word 'produce.' I buy it. Plus I eat it. 
• When one of the roommates introduced himself, he said, "My name's Orlando. Like, in Florida." Meg and I looked at each other and gently corrected him, "Oh, you mean Orlando, like Bloom."

Ha-aaaap-py Burfday!!

August is a time of birthdays.

It was Suzie's birthday on the 5th (she is on a French-speaking mission in Canada). Kelli's was on the 15th (she was surfing it up in Cali). This Friday is my dad's birthday, and the day after is my late grandpa's birthday.

Today is Rickers's birthday 

AND 

it is Erica's birthday!! 

(FB told me because she didn't bother to herself) 

Isn't that fantastic? 

They both have "Ric" in their names. 

How fitting!

Rick has the most awesome Zombie Apocalypse/Food Network comic that he got for his birthday. Y'all should head over to his blog and read it. If you are as attached to the personalities as I am, you will get a major kick out of it! Happy (golden) birthday, Rick!! (I hate the Neelys too.) 

Erica is just the best, but she hasn't updated her blog in a million years (for shame!), so I won't bother directing you over there. Just know that she's awesome, and "I can't wait to hang out with you soon!!!" Happy birthday, Erica!!

Not Been My Day, Month, or Even My Year...

I worked a double on Saturday--my legs are still feeling the after effects. I was so tired on Sunday that I misjudged the distance and totally crunched someone's bumper backing out of a driveway. I woke up this morning with a sore throat, no voice, and a nasty, puffy right eye. That means no work today! THAT means no Thai food tonight! Instead, nasty OTC drugs are on the menu.

Ugh. Why? Why now?

I need NOT to crunch bumpers. I NEED to work today. Most importantly, I NEED Thai food.

*whimper*

I Had a Nightmare!!

I dreamed that YSB Facebooked me and told me that "I read your blog and figured out who YSB is!" I may or may not have awoken due to a minor heart attack.

On a happier, more realistic note, 

Megan is back from Denmark!!! 

She is one of the Original Six (roommates) and she just returned from serving an 18-month mission for our church. I went to meet her at the airport with the rest of her family. I just love her and can't wait to be be roomies with her once again (next week)!!!

On a sillier, goofier note. I found out yesterday that I have an admirer at the restaurant. Rigo, my middle-aged friend in the bakery (who sneaks me cookies when I'm hungry), pulled me aside and told me that Manuel, one of the cooks, has a crush on me. Manuel is this super shy guy that I've gone out of my way the entire summer to big-cheesy-grin at and say "Hola Manuel!!!" to, JUST so he'll smile at me. Cos he's got one of the sweetest smiles I've ever seen.

Apparently, he wants to ask me out, which is so sad because I'm moving in a week. But I told Rigo that I think he's cute and very sweet and that he has one week to ask me, which he won't be able to tell him anyway, cos Rigo was never supposed to tell me in the first place.

This is a total LOL moment and I hate "LOL."

Awwww, but isn't it cute?!

LOL. ;-)

September 21st, People!

Be there.

Or else.

The Secret Life of Cops

Occasionally, during my jaunts about the neighborhood, I will see cops staking out the corners in their little cop cars. It's at times like these that I'm so glad I don't have a car. I can never get a speeding ticket, you see! Isn't that just the best?!

Inside these little cop cars, there are cute little computers hooked up.

Here is a nice example:

image found via Google

I've always wondered what they do on these computers. I know, I know, you'll probably say, "Well, duh, they are looking up _______ and _______, and all your personal information." 

Well, here's what I say to that!!

You're probably right.

But I don't think that's all! See, I have this theory that they secretly all have Facebook accounts, and when they are super bored, they stalk each other's pages and update their profiles.

For example:

Officer A is super bored and really wants a donut.

Officer B and 2 others like this.

• Officer B Like, I know, right? 
• Officer C Custard-filled, please!
• Officer D Check out this YouTube video of a DUI! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wajrQBtbb-c
• Officer E You idiot! That's fake!
• Officer D Really?!! Oops.

OR

Interests: Writing tickets, the colors red and blue, donuts, bulletproof vests, police procedural dramas...

OR

Officer B's Photo Albums

Mah 1st Arrest! Holla!!

By Officer B

In this album: Officer B, Officer C, Officer D, Officer M

Album Comments

• Officer M OMG, ur just totes amazing! so glad we celebrated
• Officer B We are sooo cute! Luv u, babe! 
• Officer D lol that guy's hair was so ugly, no wonder you arrested him
• Officer B hahaha he got sooooo mad when I took the pics of him in the backseat

OR

Facebook Chat

Officer A He was speeding! 3:38 PM

Officer E Dude, I know! Go get him! 3:38 PM

Officer A Heck no. Dude it's your turn. Oh crap he's gone. 3:39 PM

Officer E You're such a slacker. 3:40 PM

Okay. So maybe I'm just being rude. 

Sorry cops. I know there is more to your job than meets my eye.

Or IS there?!?!

Somebody My Own Age Hit on Me!!

It's true!

I was at work on Sunday afternoon. One of the girls I work with brought a friend with her to the restaurant. They weren't sitting in my section, but I passed by them a lot. Near the end of their meal, M (girl I work with), calls to me, "Hey Chessie, come here!" So I scamper over and ask her what's up. She snickers slightly to herself and gestures across the table, "My friend here thinks you're hot." Her friend shrugs unabashedly, gives me the nod of approval, and says, "It's true. I think you're hot."

So I smile (awkwardly) and say in a bright, cheerful voice, "Oh, thanks! That's so nice of you to say!" And after a tiny bit of small talk, I hurry away back to my tables and customers.

Why? I hear you ask. 

Why did you not return the flirtation here? It must've been flattering in comparison to the creepy old men you usually encounter. 

This is true. I was very flattered. 

The honesty and initiative was completely refreshing.

However...

Did I mention my coworker is a lesbian? 

And that her friend was female?

Flattered? Yes.

Interested? No.

Straight? Uncompromisingly so.

Oh dear.

Why couldn't a boy be attracted to me?

Harry Potter: The Musical

Remember how I get distracted sometimes? And I think of silly things. Like Harry Potter: The Musical. I wish I could write Harry Potter: The Musical. But as much as I love musicals, I can't write music. So, I think about all the songs in musicals that I already know, and I pretend that they're in Harry Potter: The Musical.

Sometimes, I pick the songs based on the titles. Sometimes, I change the lyrics a bit to fit the story. And then I pick the characters who get to sing them. Sometimes, like this time, I get slightly obsessed. And sometimes.... I crack myself up so hard.

So today, I give you

Harry Potter: The Musical

Important Note: I have not divided this play into acts. The songs are not in order. If you are Harry Potter fans, you will know when each song is supposed to happen. In fact, maybe there are some songs that should be in here and are missing. Let's make this a group effort. If there is a song that fits, leave a comment with the title of the song, the original musical play/movie (because I've included Disney music) that it's from, and the character who should sing it.

So here's what I've got so far (with my own adaptations, including occasional lyric excerpts and/or changes--I'll put the original title and musical next to them):

• You'll Be In My Heart (Tarzan) -- Lily
• Just Around the U-Bend (Just Around the Riverbend--Pocahontas) -- Moaning Myrtle
• Best of Friends (The Fox & the Hound) -- Lily and Snape
• "If only the world wouldn't get in the way, if only people would just let you play. They say you're both being fools; you're breaking all the rules."
• In My Own Little Cupboard (In My Own Little Corner--Cinderella) -- Harry
• Strange Things (Toy Story) -- Harry
• "Strange things are happenin' to me. Straaaaaaange things!"
• I'm Not That Girl (Wicked) -- Hermione
• Steppin' to the Bad Side (Dreamgirls) -- Malfoy and the Slytherins
• A Hymn to Him (My Fair Lady) -- Ron
• "Women are irrational, that's all there is to that...They're nothing but exasperating, irritating, vacillating, calculating, agitating, maddening, and infuriating hags!"
• The World Will Know (Newsies) -- Dumbledore's Army
• "And our ranks will grow! And we'll kick their rear!"
• Part of Your Muggle World (Part of Your World--The Little Mermaid) -- Arthur 
• "I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty, I've got whosits and whatsits galore!"
• After Today (A Goofy Movie) -- Hogwarts' Students
• "No more Snape, no more Snape, no more Snape, NO MORE SNAPE!!!"
• You're Timeless to Me (Hairspray) -- Arthur and Molly
• Firebolt Broom (Cadillac Car--Dreamgirls) -- Harry
• I'll Make a Man Out of You (Mulan) -- Oliver Wood
• You've Got a Friend in Me (Toy Story) -- Harry, Ron, Hermione
• Divination Class Dropout (Beauty School Dropout--Grease) -- Professor Trelawney to Hermione
• Getcha Head in the Game (High School Musical) -- Quidditch Teams
• Trashing the Castle (Trashing the Camp--Tarzan) -- Death Eaters
• Learn to Be Lonely (The Phantom of the Opera) -- Voldemort's Theme
• Little Known Facts (You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown) -- Luna Lovegood
• In the Dark of the Night (Anastasia) -- Voldemort
• "My curse made each of them pay, but one little boy got away! Little Harry beware, Old Voldie's awaaaaaaaaake!"
• Mudbloods (Guv'ment--Big River) -- Voldemort
• "G**damn Mudbloods, those sorry sons of b**ches!" (Oh, that song is sooo funny!)
• Be Our Guest (Beauty and the Beast) -- The House Elves
• Fake Your Way to the Top (Dreamgirls) -- Gilderoy Lockhart
• Fabulous (High School Musical 2) -- Fleur Delacour
• Strangers Like Me (Tarzan) -- Harry
• Two Rolls of Parchment (Peter Rabbit--You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown) -- Students
• Imagine if you will, Harry rambling like Lucy, Hermione pontificating as Linus, and, specifically, Ron despairing like Charlie Brown, "If I start writing now, when I'm not really rested, it could upset my thinking, which is no good at all. I'll get a fresh start tomorrow, and it's not due til Wednesday, so I'll have all of Tuesday, unless something should happen. Why does this always happen? I should be outside playing, getting fresh air and sunshine!"
• Make 'Em Laugh (Singin' In the Rain) -- Fred and George
• Suddenly Ronald (Suddenly Seymour--Little Shop of Horrors) -- Ron and Hermione
• Someone Waits for You (The Rescuers) -- Death Eaters (It's really a sweet song, but look how creepy the title becomes! Haha!)
• Love Heals (Rent) -- Dumbledore
• Hold On (The Secret Garden) -- Dumbledore
• Let's Get Together (The Parent Trap) -- Giant Squid and Whomping Willow
• Let Me Be Your Wings (Thumbelina) -- Thestrals 
• Hopelessly Devoted to You (Grease) -- Ginny
• I'll Cover You (Rent) -- Dumbledore and Grindelwald (Hahahaha!)
• Do You Hear the People Sing? (Les Miserables) -- Final Battle
• We're All in This Together (High School Musical) -- Wizarding Community

Good grief! Could I be any nerdier?

Yes. 

Yes I could.

I can.

I will.

According to JKR, it's Ginny Weasley's birthday today.

(Haha! Look it up!)

PS. I know it was supposed to be a food post. I haven't felt like cooking. I'm sick of food. Haha.

I Feel Special!

Rickers totally gave me a shout-out on Bittersweet yesterday!! Read his latest post here.

I feel like such a ROCKSTAR.

Because I've unfailingly stalked that blog since December.

I think.

A loooong time.

PS. Those of you who live in Utah, the place that makes the pie/cake shakes is called Sammy's. It's in Provo (27 North 100 West), and it is sooo delish. But I get inordinately angry and annoyed when I go there, because 98% of the patrons wear BYU t-shirts. Haha.

In Less than 3 Weeks...

I will be back in my beloved Logan 

(to finish my last semester of school--say what?!).

Are you excited?! I'm excited. 

You should be excited because that means I will have a schedule again. I will eat better. I will have friends again. And that means I will have a life again. I will have my fun job again. I will have my nights and weekends back. I will be able to go to the gym. Do you know what that means? THAT means way more exciting posts for you. Yay for you!

I don't know what it is about living at home that sucks the life out of me, but I look back at what I've written this summer, and I feel sorry for you. And embarrassed. I can't believe how boring I am. Seriously, I'm a dismal human being during the summer. I'm grouchy and mean, and I worry about money all the time. Sorry. It's because I've had to live without Glee. It would make anyone a monster. It's coming back in September. I'm already planning a party. Except.... I don't know if we'll have TV at our house. Hmmm.... that could be a problem.

However, after a nice long run tomorrow, in which I plan to burn off every cookie I ate this weekend, I'm going to try to make something apricot-ty!! The kids picked heaps of fresh apricots the other day, so they're begging me to bake them into a pastry of some sort. The apricots, not the kids. They couldn't care less what I do or don't do. Haha! I invite you all over to eat them with me, because you have been so sweet with the whole mean old man fiasco! If something like that happens again, I definitely will not stand there like a droopy soft-serve ice-cream cone. I shall be all fangs and no nonsense! (Cos Asian vampires are the most vicious of ALL the vampires!)

On an unrelated note, I need to change my running playlist. I'm terribly bored with it. Why don't you help me out? What's your favorite song to work out to? Maybe the one you like to dance to the best? I need something with a strong steady beat.

Shoot me a comment, 

leave me your favorite song (and the artist), 

and the most embarrassing dance move 

that you happen to be really good at!

I happen to be really good at something Megs and I choreographed a couple years ago, called 'The Plunger Dance'. *cough*


Note: Also, this is post number 333! I think that should mean something. But... not quite sure what... what do you think?

What Should I Have Done?!

Yesterday afternoon, I was wiping off the dessert counter at work, as per my waitress duties, when all of a sudden, I let out a yelp and jumped in the air.

An old man, at least 65 or 70, had smacked me sharply on the rear, snapping at me, "Will you move to other side?!" My jaw dropped and I gaped at him in amazement. Was he joking? Was he mistaking me for another server who had maybe been there for years, and therefore, expected something like that? I didn't recognize him at all, and I know most of the regulars.

I was so taken aback, all I could manage was to squeak out, "You hit me!"

To which he replied coldly, without looking at me, "I'll hit you again, if you don't move." I didn't know what to do, so I just walked away, completely upset and in shock. I told one of the other waitresses later, and she just thought it was funny (cos she's a dirty old Scottish lady), so then I started to think it wasn't that bad....

but words cannot describe how angry my father was when I told him.

Apparently, I should've told my manager.

Honestly, it didn't even cross my mind.

It really didn't.

Cos you're not supposed to argue with customers.

And never with the elderly.

I was minding my manners,

and I forgot that I deserve to be respected too.

Now I'm upset again.

:-(

Things I Think About...

1. When lightning storms hit

2. When I'd rather be sleeping

3. ______________ 

[that means you can fill it in]

• I'd rather be sleeping.
• Lightning is sooooooo cool!!
• Does this mean I can't run today? Because I need to. I didn't yesterday.
• How does one lose the few pounds she gained back after she lost 15 this summer? 
• Especially when her employee discount allows her to eat as much coconut shrimp and pina colada dipping sauce as she wants?
• Also, homemade bread toasted and spread with chunky PB is kind of the best thing ever.
• I'm supposed to post today about something I cooked. I'll tell you right now, it ain't gonna happen. Because I have gained a few pounds back, and it is just TOO HOT right now. TOO HOT, I tell you, and my house is miserable because of it. No way, no how, am I baking something.
• Wait, you say, you can make something doesn't involve baking! Yes, but I really only like baking. 
• It's nice to know that my friend also got mistaken for a student when she worked at the junior high here in O-Town. I got to swap stories about how we never get past the age of puberty when people guess how old we are.
• Then again, I do stupid things like wear my hair in pigtails sometimes. But I have short hair and I'm trying to grow it out.... Sometimes, there is no other choice!!! 
• It's raining. And thundering. And lightning-ngg. 
• I don't think I'll run for the next little while.
• I'll keep blogging.
• But really. How does one get rid of these pounds?  
• Must stop eating stupid junk at work. Am not a boy. Cannot metabolize desserts. Obviously, cannot metabolize anything.
• Note to Self: Tell Daisy, Rigo, and Patricia in the Bakery not to let me near their domain.
• I really like playing Ultimate Frisbee. I wish I were good at Ultimate Frisbee. I wish I were good at any sport. I'm taking an Ultimate Frisbee class this fall.
• I told Elle Solace on Monday that I would blog yesterday about how I learned to run. I didn't. I forgot. I'm sorry. I will. Soon.
• Mosquitoes. Booooo.
• I have purple glasses. I look like such a nerd when I wear them. Especially with pigtails. Like I am now. Awesome.
• I really want to run. Yet, I don't at the same time. Why is that?
• I always tell my friends to "dream of handsome men" when we log off Facebook to go to sleep. They always return the sentiment. How come I never do? 
• I mean, I do when nobody tells me. Night before last's random dream man had eyes of icy blue-green goodness (ahem, Erica!). But last night? Nada. Lame.
• My room is messy.
• It's 6:30 in the morning. I've been awake since 5. Gross.
• I'm taking a nap.
• I want more toast.
• NO!!!

Ever Seen That Super Intense Grimace...

that some people have when they're running past you?

Well, I decided that look was not attractive and, therefore, would not be for me. So when I haul myself up the streets of O-Town, I try to at least have a relaxed face, and I make it a point to smile widely and say "Good morning!" to every person I pass.

But listen! Hardly anybody says it back to me. Much less with a smile. Not a real one, anyway. Instead, their eyes narrow at me in suspicion, and their mouths are tight and not friendly at all. I don't understand it. It's a cheerful, good-natured "hello"! How is it that a simple greeting is suddenly viewed as having an ulterior motive, or being insincere? I was so upset that I had to rant to my mother about it the other day. 

But that night, I was driving home from a wedding, and I stopped to get gas. A middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair, worn clothes, and a southern accent timidly approached me as I started filling up. He told me in a quiet voice that he and his sick wife had been traveling for the past 10 days from New Orleans, where he'd been laid off for 8 months, because they'd heard there was work here in Utah. They'd had car trouble, his wife was diabetic, they'd been living out of their car because they couldn't afford any motels, and could I "please spare a couple dollars for some gas?" 

For a split second, I became that person I'd been complaining about to my mom just a few hours before. I stopped and looked at him in distrustful appraisal, trying to decide if he was being honest. And then I remembered. And oh, I was so ashamed of myself. I'm almost crying just thinking about it. My heart hurt because here was a man, who I knew inside was dying because he just wasn't able to provide for his wife, yet he was humble enough to ask, and the first thing that crossed my mind was that maybe he was trying to cheat me. I was horrified with myself, and I swore I'd never be that person again.

I told him I'd be right over. That I was happy to help. And I was. Groupies, I don't have any money. Even working all summer, I've only made enough to cover rent prepayments, the phone bill, and the credit card payment. I have to hope and pray every year that I'll get some decent financial aid in order to pay for school. Usually, I have less than $100 in my checking account at any given time. Sometimes, I live only on oatmeal, cos there's just not enough to buy groceries that week. It's hard for me, a silly college student.

But I, a silly college student, have so much. I have a job, I am perfectly healthy, I have a home to go to, I don't have anyone depending on me for support. So I swiped my card and bought him some gas. What I paid doesn't add up to much in the grand scheme of things, but it's a lot when you're me and had already had to buy gas for the trip up and down (twice in one weekend). But the feeling I got when the man looked at me in heartfelt gratitude for the few dollars I gave him was better and more than any comfort or security I could've had from having $1000 in my bank account.

I hope I never look with suspicion or doubt again at a child of God in need of help who asks for it. I hope you never do either. Whether or not someone is being honest, I don't think any of us wants to look back and realize that we turned someone down who genuinely needed our help because "I just wasn't sure." It doesn't matter if we're sure or not. It really doesn't matter.

What matters is that our hearts are open, 

our hands are giving, 

and our eyes and smiles let others know 

that we are their friends. 

Please be this world's friend!

(and thank you for being mine)