Weirdest night ever (or how I am officially a hussy)....

This is Jake.

We have been friends for exactly one million years.

This is Jake inviting me to a party on Saturday night.

This is how he takes advantage of said friendship.

He always has to go for that W, no matter the cost.

This is me helping Jake snag second place.

 

It was really, really, really, really weird.

No more kissing my friends.

Especially ones with whom I have been friends for one million years.

This is me helping some other poor sucker.

He said his name is Jamal, but it's actually Rob.

This is me helping the guy who photobombed the previous picture.

I don't remember his name.

This is Marie's reaction after my telling her.

 

Conclusion: My hair looks fabulous in all of these pictures.

The End.

Black Friday.

NO.

I'm not shopping.

Like, ew!

It's not worth it. I worked at the restaurant from 9:45 am to 7:30 pm, so even if I wanted to shop, my legs wouldn't hold me up. Also, it's cold, right, and fighting a herd of people already happened from 9:45 am to 7:30 pm.

Blurry cell phone pics are the best!!

But afterwards, I had dinner with my family who was kind enough to wait for me. It was homemade pizza. There is a reason we had pizza today. See, my little brother (I don't know why I call any of my siblings "little"--they are all TALLER than I am) decided to join the Marines one day, and he won't be home for Christmas, and the weirdo doesn't like turkey, so we're switching our Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Yep. Our Christmas dinner tradition is always homemade pizza. It's awesome.

Oh and I took a shower, and brushed my teeth, and went to bed. Unfortunately, my brain is too fried from work, plus I have a stuffy sinus thing going on, which is soooooo annoying. So I can't sleep. So now I'm sleepy-angry.

It's like, I've blown my nose at least thirty times in the last three hours, and used up half the toilet paper, and I'm so so so tired, and, like, HOW IS THERE STILL SNOT IN MY BODY?

Sometimes, my friend takes pretty pictures of me.

Marie Teemant Photography

Some $5-bargains-at-the-grocery-store you just can't resist...

Words by Chris Raschka
Pictures by Vladimir Radunsky

"Can dogs rap? Of course they can. We've all seen them throwing it down, tossing it up, hounding, pointing, beagling, and boxing in our back streets and front parks. Here's the story, told in his own words, of one rising dog star."  (inside-front flap)

Maybe my Christmas present to you will be to rap this book to you. Hahaha!

I really am a nice person,

but sometimes, after days like today, or weeks like this one, I just wanna say....nay, SHOUT,

"You. Shut up. You're pathetic and desperate."

"Hey kids. I hate you. And cotton candy."

"You. are. so. annoying. 

There's a reason you're alone. It's your whining."

"Um. You're not funny."

"Get a ROOM!" (I really did yell that one at my creepy roommate and her creepier boyfriend. And not in a joking way. They are the grossest.)

...and glare at everyone in my way....

But I would feel bad. So I don't say these things. But I think them.

OH. I THINK them.

Hitler High Fives

Marie, my roommates, and I all dressed up went to a fun Halloween masquerade dance party thing on Saturday. They had some goofy band playing for a bit and they sang some goofy song about Yahtzee.

Except it was so loud and confusing that it almost sounded like they were singing the word "Nazi" over and over again, so Kassidy and I were holding our hands up and out in front of us while pretend-moshing and Logan was a ditz and kept high-fiving us and crazy-dancing, and not understanding why we were laughing so hard because she kept doing it even though we kept yelling, "NO...Nazi!"

And Marie brought her lights and camera and we all pretended to be models.

Awkward.

So I'm $175 poorer...

but remember how months ago I was like, "Guys...I'm going to grad school..."

Well, it's getting closer....and more expensive...

Taking the GRE on November 15 and turning in my applications right after.

Word.

Because I can. And because you know it's true.

Conference weekend just happened, and as a result, a whole new batch of sayings popped up that will soon reveal themselves in the form of printables, vinyl lettering, and painted wooden blocks.

This is Utah.

Land of the saccharine and trite Mormon cliches. Not that I have anything against them. I don't mind them. I hate the tacky decorating. Plus, I feel like my own sayings are a lot more realistic and relevant.

For example...

Live. Laugh. Love. Lame-asses.

Tomorrow is another day

(to totally screw up).

Search, ponder, and pray (for a MAN).

Familes are Forever. 

(But that doesn't mean you need to stick around.)

Return with Honor (and Flakiness).

Daughter of God.

Booty Call of the Douchebag.

I Hope They Call Me on a Mission.

I Can't Seem to Find a Date.

An old roommate had the verse from Joshua "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" hanging in our bathroom above the toilet. It always made me feel so uncomfortable. It should've said, 

"As for me and my house,

we will buy the quilted, double-ply TP.

And wash our own effin' dishes."

Thank goodness she moved out and took her dumb signs and filthy dishes with her.

600th!!!

This is my 600th post.

I promised Kate I would write her a post, because now she is a grownup with a grownup job, and she is so bored sometimes that she needs to read something from me.

As if I were interesting. I forgot I had a blog for a while there. There just hasn't been much to say.

But I can try.

Since the last time I wrote....

I've had a couple of these:

Went to a few of these:

Went here three times:

Played with this toddler (she's the one with black hair):

Was in my cousin's wedding:

Hung out with these people:

Got my:

(Yes. One of the boys above. 

Dating is so weird and confusing. Why do people do it?)

How I felt right after it happened:

"Does he...know that you are a first-time slammer?"

--two idiot guy friends--

Got a second job, so I'm going back to:

Do you think I'll get asked to

I have bad dreams sometimes.

And lately they're about me having to play video games. Like I have no choice.

I can't think of anything worse in real life and now they are invading my subconscious???? And I have no way out of it? Unacceptable!

It's like crap!-buttons-which-button?-oh my gosh-my stupid thumbs-no!-can't get around the stupid track-what? guns?!-running into a wall-ahhh they're shooting at me-drop controller-yes, I really am this bad!-I'm sorry!-stop. laughing.

But in my dreams.

What happened to my Harry Potter dreams where I can fly?

Also, this article about video game accessories is hilarious.

Mis queridos muchachos.

Dear Triple C,
Thanks for the heart-to-heart over In N Out. It's nice to know mine isn't the only messed up family. And it's nice to have a conversation that isn't all sarcasm and television quotes.

Love,
Chess

Dear Latecomers,
Yeah, my coworker heard you. What, so "some women" don't flirt back with you because they're exhausted, and you came in while she was trying clean and shut down her end of the restaurant, so you don't leave her a tip? Newsflash: You. Weren't. Cute.

Spitting in your drink,
Your exemplary waitress

Dear JJ,
K and I, we be gettin' all snoopy up in your love life. We decided it's been way too long since you were a combo.

Love,
"Girl Talk"ers

You-Know-Who-You-Are,
I'd call you "Dear," but you all ruined, ruined, my Fourth of July. I want to cry some more just thinking about it.

Distressed and needing better friends,
Mistreated

Dear Bank Boy,
Ohhh. So now we can text instead of forever Facebook messaging one another?

Intrigued,
Margaret

Dear David,
Today we gather to celebrate your life and mourn your loss. Twenty-three years was not long enough for the whole world's hearts be touched by your joyous smiles and warm embraces. But you have changed so many lives that I know yours has been a beautiful success. Rest in peace, my friend, and God be with you until we meet again.

Your old friend,
Chess

Pride goeth before the fall...

But when it comes to teaching Relief Society lessons at church...

NAILED it.

Haha. :-)

What's Cookin', Wednesday?

Hey remember when I did this a lot two summers ago?

I made something all on my own yesterday! And it wasn't even really cooking!

My high school besties and I all got together for the first time in over a year and we had a picnic in a park up the canyon. I'd show you pictures, but true to form, I didn't take any (even though I had my camera). I think Joe took some.

We all brought a little something to share and

This Week's Kitchen Adventure:

Fruit Fluff

I ate what is now the empty half for breakfast. On fruit, of course.

But I completely encourage eating it plain with a spoon.

I pat myself on the back for this one. I was bringing a bunch of fresh fruit and wanted something fun to dip it in or plop on top. I've eaten a lot of fruity dips at gatherings and parties, but I'd never made one at all and hadn't looked up a recipe for one and I was already at the grocery store and I didn't think to look one up on my smartphone, so I looked at stuff that seemed like it would taste right. 

And guess what? I'm smart even without my smartphone! Sorry, Tobias. I just named my phone right there and there. Even though I've had him for almost two years and I'm about to get rid of him. Also, it was the first name that popped into my mind. Mostly because I've started the third annual summer rewatching of Arrested Development.

Back to the point. Here's what you need and what you need to do. Feel free to use any generic brand and lowfat version you would like of these ingredients (which is what I did to make it a bit healthier).

1/3 of an 8 oz. package of room temperature cream cheese 

Two  6 oz. containers of yogurt (I used strawberry)

One 8 oz. container of frozen whipped topping

In a bowl, beat all ingredients together at medium speed with a hand-mixer until fluffy and smooth. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes before serving. Serve with fresh fruit (bananas, apples, strawberries, grapes, etc).

Yes. I'm adopted...

...by this atrociously dressed man.

This, THIS, is what he was dressed in to come pick me up to do errands.

I shrieked, "Dad! What the hell are you wearing? Get back in the car!"

"But the blues go together, right?" No. No they did not.

I just closed my eyes, and we went to go buy peat moss and manure for the garden. He told me to go in to pay, so that "I won't embarrass you by going inside."

But after I came out, he asked me thoughtfully, "How does it make you feel when people are shorter than you? I mean, it must never happen for you. Do you feel a grand sense of success? I just bet it's so exciting for you."

Shut up, Dad.

Oh. 

And Happy Father's Day.

I'm guessing it's a bad thing when...

You're on a sorta date and he's asking you if you want to go get Thai food soon and learn to play tennis, which are things you would be totally down for, except that you're bored and all you can think about is all the other friends you'd rather be with.

Because doing nothing and laughing with them makes you so much more happy than hanging out with him. Even though he's very nice and cute.

And I just nodded my head and said, "Sure, why not?" after which I kicked myself in the butt. Figuratively.

I'm a terrible person. Terrible at saying no. But also just a terrible person.

Summerfest 2012

Summerfest is a Friday-Saturday celebration full of carnival games, food, and rides. Music, arts and crafts booths, performances. To me, it's a ride on the Zipper and a funnel cake.

Last time I was on the Zipper was two years ago with my friend Tyler. We had gone to a rodeo and decided to split early so we could check out the fair next door.

Neither of us had been on the Zipper since we were teenagers, so we bought tickets and got on. Somewhere near the end of the ride we got caught in this crazy never-ending spin which made me scream-laugh until I cried and I have never heard Ty shriek-laugh so hard before (or since).

And then we got off and were sick for the entire hour-ride home.

Still a great memory. And still the best ride ever.

This year, I went to Summerfest with my new roommate, Logan!!

On Friday we walked around, bought some sunglasses, funnel cake stand wasn't set up yet, signed up for grocery delivery (we're still debating whether or not that was a stupid idea), and ate Polish dogs while watching performances by the local ballet company.

And then I remembered the Zipper.

But there was a problem. We had to leave soon. Logan was going to the water park, and I was meeting up with friends to pick up my marathon race packet and then go to dinner. Saturday was the marathon (read about that adventure here), and I knew I would be in no position to walk around and then put my broken body into a carriage to be spun around and flipped.

So it was now or never.

I said, "Screw you," to my freshly-eaten Polish dog, threw caution to the wind, and Logan and I hopped on. We had a fantastic time.

And then I went home and threw up my lunch.

Before you ask, the answer is yes. It was totally worth it.

Except for the part where I never got my funnel cake.

Squaw Peak 2012

I got squawed again.

And so much more quickly than the last time. Pretty much in near-rockin' shape so I got my booty to the top of the mountain in so much less time than last year.

And my beautiful Suzie-friend came along.

So much bromance, so little time.

I thought this would be an adorable picture of me and my handsome friends...

....but my presence is clearly ruining the moment, so this is what is right...

(Squawback Mountain)

And this was not planned, people.

We are just that cool and good-looking.

"These are my people.

This is where I come from."

~ Rodney Atkins ~

An Eclipse. The good kind.

Went with a bunch down to Parowan, Utah to check out the eclipse on Sunday.

We were totally wowed. You can tell by how our jaws are dropping.

And then Lara found a skull. Actually, more like half of one.

And I talked to it.

But then I found out I was actually talking to the back of the skull. I'm an English major, not a scientist.

Obviously.

Lying on my back on the kitchen counter and staring up at the ceiling.

Hi guys.

I know.

Where the blankity-blank have I been? (see post title: it's an unusual place, but considering how I've just been floating around in this crazy space in my head lately, I think it makes perfect sense.)

I have been wanting to say something, anything really, but I have felt so silent on the inside the last few weeks. Despite fun days here and there, I think I have been trying not to fly off the handle and go completely beserk, so I've just dialed everything down and zipped my lips (and apparently my fingers) in an effort to keep it all together.

I feel like there are so many things I want to do. But at the same time, I am completely incapable of doing any of them. I want to quit my current job. I need a grown-up new one. I want to buy a car, but I don't know how to go about it. I want to move. Out of the state, out of the country. But where do I go?

I want to send YSB a cheesy card that tells him how I'm crazy mad about him, but it's not exactly Valentine's Day, and I'm a coward. I want to write my brother a letter and tell him I miss him, and I have, but I just haven't sent it. I want to finish that stupid photo album I've been working on for over three years and send it to my birth family, but I can't seem to find the motivation to finish.

I want to quit SLACKING ON MY MARATHON TRAINING because the race is in THREE WEEKS.

I don't understand myself sometimes. Why am I so afraid to go after the things I want? Why can't I finish even simple little projects? Why do these stupid little things terrify and immobilize me?

I hate that I can never be the best version of me that I want. This complacent, boring person isn't me, but I'm not doing a very good job of changing her.

I have this dream of spending an entire day just being brave, and right now, I can't ever see that coming true.

Oh for Pete's sake, this is the worst post ever. Stay tuned for something much better!

Facebook Friday: Boring Movies and Barack the Belieber.

+

See "last year's Chigurh success" below"

Sidenote: Last year's homemade birthday card.

I mean, come on.

Who wouldn't want to be my friend?