I have a surprise for you!!

Well, I will give it to you on Monday. For realsies.

To give you a hint---

I was at the gym the other day, and the girl on the elliptical in front of my treadmill did not pull her trackpants high enough over her lovehandles to hide her gaping coin slot of a buttcrack. Imagine that just elliptical-ling away in front of your face while you are trying to finish out the last few miles and you clearly don't have any leftover air available for laughing.

It's not a good hint.

Sorry.

Have a good weekend!!

I started to train for that marathon on Monday...

and I'm about to go for another session.

I really hope that guy at the gym shows up again.

You know. The one who couldn't keep up with me on the treadmill.

I liked him.

Update: He was not there.
Note: He was never cute. I just liked him because I was faster than he was. :P

Just wanted to let you know that I joined a gym.

"People-Watching at the Gym" is officially back, people!!

Get ready.

So much judgment. So little time.

(Also, I consider myself a fairly coordinated sort of dancer. Pretty sure I am soooo awkward at Zumba. I'm used to teaching line dances, not lumbering about like an elephant. Because that's what I'm doing. Lumbering about like an Asian elephant.)

Add This To Your Vocab...

So I came up with a new phrase...

I'll let you get a pen so you can write it down.

It is THAT good.

(Kidding.)

The next time you are puffing away at the gym and someone calls/texts you, asking what you are doing, this is what you need to answer with:

I am sweating myself beautiful!

Isn't that much better than saying you are going to the gym? Or worse, working out? Because who wants to work? Totally lame. And saying that you're getting in shape is kinda weird too. Frankly, what shape are you talking about? Circular, rectangular... isosceles triangle? Rhombus? Forget the shapes! Instead, you are just becoming a better outward match to the beautiful person you are on the inside!!

So, people of the gym and people who want to go to the gym (but can't seem to do it, because it just sounds awful):

Q: What are you doing after class today?

A: I'm going to sweat myself beautiful!

Q: You look great!

A: Why thank you! I've been sweating myself beautiful!

Q: Want to come over and scarf down a pint of burnt almond fudge ice-cream?

A: Absolutely! Because I just spent two hours sweating myself beautiful!

Say it with me one more time!

I'm sweating myself beautiful!!!

(Now go do it!)

:-)

Know What?

I came to a conclusion today...

Life kinda weirds me out a little sometimes.

Does it ever do that to you?

For instance...

What the honk is the matter with the weather here?

Snow?

A foot of snow?!!

In April?

Also.

Life is just weird.

And it weirds me out.

It kinda makes me just want to eat.

And I just went to the gym.

So that would be bad.

But I saw the former Mullet-Man

wearing blindingly bright purple sweats.

They went beautifully with his bright red hair. 

Ahhh...

I just love people. 

I really do.

Are You For Reals?!

Remember Mullet-Man?!

At the gym?

Guess what?

He cut. it. off!

I knooooow!!!

Hair Gods Have Mercy...

You know how I was at the gym yesterday for two hours?

Well, two hours gives you a lot of people-watching time. 

Let me tell you about the fellow I was watching while puffing away on the elliptical machine...

The top of his hair looked like this:

The bottom of his hair looked like this:

He was wearing one of these:

But he was holding it in his teeth...

So the back looked like this:

And the front looked like this:

I KNOOOOW!!!

Now picture that running on treadmill.

Picture that mullet/mohawk bouncing with every step.

Can you imagine anything more horrifying than that?

I didn't think so.

So I guess his hair was business in the front, party in the back....except...I suppose his hair was a party on top as well.... and naked on the sides....a naked business party? And how would you describe his shirt?

A reverse mullet-inspired shirt?

Party in the front and business in the back?

His hair and his shirt were having identity crises!!!

What am I supposed to think of a person like that?

Does he treat business like a party?

Or is partying his business?

Do you see how this is CONFUSING???!!!

(Not to mention OOOOO-glay.)

Gym-Tastic...

I ate lots of treats today. And I ate lots of fatty food. See last post.

So I went to the gym for an hour and a half this evening.

I know, right?! I rock.

Thought for the night:

The Tarzan soundtrack is quite motivating. Don't believe me? Think of it this way. So you're sweating on the elliptical. You're grunting on the bicep curls. Phil Collins starts belting Son of Man and suddenly you pant out an epiphany!!

"Hold on now. I can DO this. When this song is playing in the movie, Tarzan surfs on tree trunks and swings from vine to vine with his toes! With. His. TOES. What's another five minutes? What's another ten crunches?"

Observation of the night:

Boys' shirts with the sleeves cut off so you can see their skin from their armpits to their waists are NOT attractive. 

I don't want to see male side cleavage. 

Much less your nipples. 

Thanks. 

Insert Guffaw...

So I was at the gym tonight. Yes. As a matter of fact, I do exercise. I bet you thought I was just born beautiful and fit.

HA.

HAHA.

HAHAHA.

I digress. I'm sweating away and a-people-watching on my elliptical machine, when I see this kid I recognize from my freshman year ward. He's working out in a Hooters t-shirt. 

Classy, Dustin, really classy.

Two seconds later, I see a girl taking off her jacket, wearing a t-shirt that reads "Single?" on the front.

Courtesy of SE Needham Jewelers, where

 "Utah Gets Engaged," 

as the shirt proudly proclaims on the back. 

(I may or may not own this shirt, but if I did, it would only be because it was FREE, and I would only wear it to bed.) 

Translation of both t-shirts: 

"Yes. Yes, I am desperate." 

All I wanted to do was hop off the machine and run to both of them, bring them together, and say, "OMG, if there were two people that were so totally MFEO, it would be you!"

I settled for giggling really hard to myself.