Once Upon a Time...

There was a girl named Chess, but for the sake of anonymity,

we'll call her Marge.

Marge had lots of friends.

She had girlfriends and boyfriends 

(of the non-romantical sort)...

Some friends were tall, some were short, some were all bones and skinny, and some were much more cuddly to hug. Some friends had red hair, and some had brown, occasionally, some had black (but it was fake), and some were blonde. Some liked to laugh a lot, and some were quiet, some were prudes, and others liked to cuss and make off-color jokes. Marge was more of the laugh-a-lot-when-others-make-off-color-jokes type. After she decided to major in English, making her prudish roommates uncomfortable with off-color jokes was a talent she no longer wanted to hide under a bushel. 

Marge and her friends had heaps of exciting adventures,

such as hiking in the canyon at midnight, fishing at midnight,

hiking in the snow at midnight,

hauling hay at midnight, 

playing Ultimate Frisbee in the university's football stadium at midnight,

(lots of midnight activities--get your mind out of the gutter!)...

Then one day, all her friends decided that 

they liked members of the opposite sex,

and decided to get all romantical with them.

Even Marge had a romantical boyfriend for a little bit...

But that didn't last too long. 

Then everybody got engaged,

or planned on getting engaged,

And Marge got really tired of them,

because, let's face it...

Engaged people are super boring

and really crappy, flaky friends.

THE END

The Moral of the Story:  Romance is a disease. Also known as Friendship Alzheimer's. Symptoms include: bailing out on already-made plans, making your friend scramble to find someone else so she doesn't have to go to the fun activity alone; talking non-stop about your significant other and failing to notice that your friend is always listening, but cries herself to sleep at night because you are so selfish and don't return the favor; talking non-stop to your significant other so your roommate can't have a moment's peace; going home every weekend, and then chattering in the ear of your friend who is TRYING to study because, "OMG, I haven't seen you forever, how come we never talk?" and not noticing the ironic fact that YOU are the reason that "OMG, we haven't talked in forever!" and that while you were gone, your friend established her own routine that you are so rudely interrupting on the day of an important midterm. If you recognize these symptoms, for the love of all that is merciful and just, either break up with your significant other or go home on the weekends, but don't come back and pretend you care.

The Real Moral of the Story: Marge is being petty, annoyed, and sensitive, and really needs to get over herself. She is being whiny and apologizes. It's just hard sometimes. She's really sorry. She's usually a very sweet and not-so-hostile person who forgives easily and always has wide-open arms.