Sadness...

I've been feeling down for the last few weeks. And I finally figured out why. I've been slammed with more changes than I know what to do with. I can't keep up with them. And I'm scared.

1. Meg is moving out. She's going on a mission. Her side of the room is completely stripped and bare, and it looks so wrong.
2. We'll be getting a new roommate in January. Not necessarily a bad thing, but when I've been with the same 5 girls for almost 3 years, it's a shock.
3. Erica will be gone next summer. It'll be down to four.
4. Everyone but me will be graduating in a year or so. I'll still be here. Forever.
5. My little brother will be leaving on a mission in January. Never had that happen to me.
6. My bishopric will be released in February. The thought breaks my heart.
7. I feel like I'm growing apart from some of the more important people in my life. Schedules and lives are too different sometimes.
8. I feel like I live too many separate lives.
9. I failed a class. That has NEVER happened. My fault, but still.
10. I feel incredibly lonely sometimes. Yeah, the whole lonely-in-a-crowd thing. That never used to happen. Except in books and movies. And now it does. All the time.

And that's to name only a few. Basically, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. An 18-wheeler. And I guess I'm kind of vulnerable right now. All the finals' stress that has been taking up all my time and attention is gone now, and I have no choice but to think about everything I didn't want to think about before.

I have a bad habit of holding everything in because I convince myself that nobody cares anyway, and then one little thing triggers an avalanche of emotions. I have no idea what the little thing was today, but the emotions were triggered and I spent a good couple hours crying today. And I never cry.

And it's supposed to be a vacation. One filled with joy! I'm so ashamed of feeling sad and sorry for myself, but I can't stop!