Awkward....

So... 'tis the season for contemplating and pondering. I was hoping some deep and inspiring thoughts would flood my mind. But no. Only every single awkward cringeworthy moment in my entire life popped into my head. Like one of those really old movie reels. They just kept playing in front of my eyes. One right after the next. Just when I thought one was the most awkward, one that would top it came to mind. It was awful. It was like my life flashed before my eyes, except I saw no good happy moments, just the most embarrassing and AWKWARD and awful icky ones.

Therefore...in no particular order....

My Life (as it flashed before my eyes in awkwardness):

-- Every time I have fallen off the bus.
-- When I was at Burger King with my mom, and I was eating French fries, and I looked to my right to see this guy with his hood pulled up over his head, his hand was covering his mouth and nose, so all I could see were his eyes....staring intensely at me....uhhhhhh....
-- Being asked by a woman to marry her nephew in China in order for him to get a green card. "It would only be temporary! I will pay for your plane tickets and everything. When are you free?"
-- Stupid guy at basketball game scooting into the empty seat next to me, leaning right up against me, pointing to his cheek and waving at man with Kissing Cam.
-- Blind dates. Having my blind date walk me to the door. Blind date wanting to hug me, but me not wanting to (I don't even hug my friends until I've known them for at least a couple months--I just can't). So blind date tries to shake my hand. I don't see him trying to shake my hand, until he drops his hand. So then I shake his hand and run inside totally cringing. Ugh.
-- Country dancing with really strangely intense kid. He nearly wrenches both my arms out of their sockets, he's pulling so hard. Ouch. Looks me in the eyes the entire time. I look at anything but him. After the dance, he bows low over my hand, not once taking his wide staring eyes off mine and drawls, "Thank you." Eyes still wide and staring, he backs away from me. I run away.
-- Walking straight into a pillar and spilling a whole pitcher of water on a gigantic Polynesian man while waiting tables last Christmas break. And I mean gigantic. To quote Jim from The Office, "I thought I might die."
-- Falling asleep in class. Bad things always happen.
-- Saying something loudly because everyone is being noisy, but they happen to fall silent the moment you open your mouth. Yeah. I think we've all done that one.
-- Having that black guy (he looked like a gangsta) hit on me after work last Christmas break. "I just wanted to let you know that I've been watching you, and I think you're really cute. I come here a lot, so hopefully I'll see you again." I find out later that he chased down and asked every single waitress about me. And they all felt the need to tell me everything he asked. Which boiled down to Stacy's summary (said in a really rich Southern accent), "Who is that bee-yoo-tiful woman?!" Eeeep! It was one of those surreal moments where you can't help but be flattered and totally creeped out at the same time. It doesn't happen very often.
-- And so many, many others. But these were some of the best...or should I say worst? Haha.