Huh?

I am confused right now. But not about anything in particular. Do you ever feel that way? I just am perpetually perplexed these days. I walk around and I don't know what's going on (even when it's happening right in front of me), I don't hear people when they speak to me, I miss things that I should be able to notice. I'm just confused. I wish I could figure things out and figure people out, and figure myself out, and figure out where I fit in with these people that I haven't figured out. Sometime I wonder out loud about people and why they say or do the things they say or do. I'm not gossiping, just good-natured wondering and curiosity. And then I wonder if people wonder out loud about me. And if they are good-natured when they wonder about me. Or if they are mean-hearted when they wonder. Of course, this is assuming anybody finds me interesting enough to wonder about me at all. After which I feel extremely self-conscious and nervous and embarrassed. Which is stupid of me. But I do. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

I remember being told that I was so oblivious in high school and then I got to college where my roommates told me I was oblivious. I don't mean to be. I try to notice the things I should, but I'm easily distracted. I like to think the best of people and I hate it when people are annoyed or angry with me. And I'm always worried about that because I'm too oblivious to notice when people are upset with me. And I don't like to get in fights. I hate confrontation. I want everybody to be friends. Which is why I have a hard time taking sides. Which is why I was subconsciously distracted so I didn't register to vote. And then I didn't vote. And then people got a little upset with me. Which I can't stand. Even though I think it was jokingly (again, too oblivious to notice), I bet there was truth at the core. So then I keep wondering. And then I think there's really nowhere in this world I belong. I have too many places that I've come from, and too many places I've gone. And then I get this weird achy lonely feeling inside. Like I'm missing someone or something. But I can't find them or it. Whoever they are or whatever it is. Like it's lost or something and I don't know where to look. And then I get upset and sad. And confused. And it starts all over again.

How do you get it to stop?