Oh Boys....

You make girls act ridiculous.

You know that, right?

Case in point. FHE. Stake talent show on Monday night. Middle school auditorium. The following is a transcript of the conversation I shamelessly watched and listened to as it took place right in front of me.

Guy: Who are you saving that seat for?

Girl: My one true love.

Guy: Oh him.

Girl: Except he doesn't know he's my one true love. Did I tell you?

Guy: Tell me what?

Girl: He said eight words to me today! (Counts them on her fingers.) "Hey, do you have a fax machine here?" I said, "No, but there's one in the Dean's office." Yeah. I was at work.

Guy: (Sarcastically.) Wow.

Girl: Hey! You don't even know. It totally made my day!

Eight words, guys. That's all it takes. 

You ask about fax machines and maybe flash a smile,

 and we melt into puddles of adoring goo.

How do you do it?

A better question. Addressed to the few males who read this.

What makes you melt into a puddle of adoring goo?

Assuming guys can melt.

I hear it's possible.

Enlighten me...

New Man on the Block...

Sooo not in the way you think.

I shall call him:

Speed-Walker Wonder

I was coming out of my night class, 

Michael Buble crooning into my ears,

stopping at the crosswalk at 7th North and 8th East,

when I saw him....

All five feet ten (or so) of him

Clad in a simply glorious ensemble:

A pastel-colored, geometrically-patterned windbreaker

and matching shorts in order to show off his very (unfair!) shapely legs.

I know. 

Could anything get anymore beautiful?

If only HE had a mullet!

Speed-walking.

Terry-cloth sweatband, 

Thrown-back shoulders,

Swiveling hips,

Flouncing step...

I don't usually laugh out loud when walking by myself.

But I did today!

Sidenote: 

Brittany's line of the night on Glee,

"When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist."

Also, I'll Never Be Too Old...

to run through a sprinkler!

Even if I'm headed to work.

Which I did.

Today.

:-)

It Won't Matter...

How many years I live....

I will never be too old to play hopscotch

when I find it sketched on a sidewalk.

(Like today. Oh my, that was fun!)

Breakfast Lies...

I slept in this morning. 

:-)

I was eating a big bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats and milk, while watching a very educational show hosted by Stacy London and Clinton Kelly, and I came to an astounding realization. Wanna know what it is? I'll tell you.

Cereal boxes LIE!

I know! I thought they were the tell-all of truth too.

No, no, no, I'm not talking about the claims of vitamins and minerals here. I believe they're telling the truth about that. I'm pretty sure they really are multi-grain and full of whole grain. 

No, no. This is the lie.

When boxes claim to be

Family-Sized.

I'm sorry, but a family-size box of Honey Bunches of Oats is not big enough to serve a family!! It is not anywhere big enough to feed me! Not when I eat it for afternoon snacks. Not when I eat it for midnight snacks. Not when I eat it for breakfast. It's gone in a day! Well. Almost. A couple days. So there you go. My breakfast is lying to me as I eat. How does that feel? Knowing that I'm beginning the day with dishonesty? I just feel horrified. Because I'm running out of cereal and I just bought it on Wednesday!

So I'm changing the subject to something happy. Something gleeful. Like.....

Glee!!!

Remember how I dressed up to go to a party?

Tina:

ME:

 

Just so you know,

Tina is great, but I must admit my heart belongs to little, blonde, stupid Brittany.

Brittany's best lines:

"Dolphins are just gay sharks." (Thanks Rick!)

"Sometimes, I forget my middle name."

Seriously.

Watch the show.

And get the music. 

Dear  Boy  Person Who Relies Too Much On Texting,

Please learn how to talk to people in real time, in real life. Especially when it's about important, personal things. Talking on the phone is not my favorite thing to do either, but after what happened last night, I'm going to practice liking it.

I try so hard to do right by everybody, but sometimes you make it really hard to do. I hate texting. When you text me, I can't tell if you're joking or serious, then I get trapped in a corner because I misinterpreted something, and I say something too bluntly when I should've been gentle, or I joke when you meant to be serious. But how was I supposed to know when you NEVER PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL?!!!

I'm so sorry. It could've been said better. It could've been said differently. But you left me without options.

Chess

PS. And you also made me cry in my closet. You made me feel bad. Even though I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong. :-(

* * * * *

Dear Traci,

Thanks for hanging up on your fiance and comforting me while I cried in the closet. You told me so many things I needed to hear. Thanks for being my roommate again. I've missed you.

Love,

Your roomie

* * * * *

Dear Kelsha,

Thanks for calling me. You had perfect timing. I'm sorry I didn't have Dead Poets' Society for you. But thanks for the Slurpee. I needed a friend, and you were there.

Love,

Chess

* * * * *

Dear Erica,

You're the best. You are so kind and thoughtful. You don't judge. You are beautiful, and funny, and smart. And you still help me when I just make messes of things while trying to fix the messes I made. 

I want to be like you when I grow up.

Love,

Chess

* * * * *

Erica said something that hit me pretty hard when I was being all stupid and miserable last night. When she offered to go get ice-cream, and I said my friend already took me for a Slurpee, Erica said, "Wow. A lot of people love you." And you know what? She was right. I'm so glad she reminded me of that beautiful fact.

For every person that has made me feel miserable (and I can count them on one hand), there's a hundred more that make me thrilled to be alive! I'm so lucky and I hope that I can be the kind of person that can always deserve my wonderful friends and family. I realize I don't know most of you that are reading this, but believe me when I say you make the sunshine in my day ten times more beautiful! I can't thank you enough! 

So, I'd love to know...

(while you enjoy this beautiful Friday)

Who are the people that make the sunshine in your day?

Half An Hour Ago...

I was spooning mandarin oranges into my cottage cheese...

(a delicious snack, by the way)

...and suddenly, my world was rocked...

LITERALLY.

Folks.... 

There was a 5.0 earthquake here in Utah!

I thought it was just a really big truck that drove by.

Well, at least the sunshine was beautiful and warm today!