Bleargh...

Just so all of you know, I am fully prepared to save your life should you become unconscious and your heart stops. Also, if you happen to slice yourself open. I have two little paper cards that say so. That should be good enough for the likes of you. I spent my entire day learning. My boss paid for me to take the CPR / First Aid / AED certification course down at the Red Cross today. She doesn't want her kids dying in the pool on my watch. I don't blame her. I don't want them dying on my watch either. That would not look good and it would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was about to lose consciousness too. It was ten of the most boring hours of my life. Believe me when I say I have had plenty of those. The instructor was insanely boring, scatterbrained, and inefficient. We could have easily finished everything in six or seven hours. And there was this one 40-year-old man who WOULD NOT SHUT UP!! You know the type that thinks he knows everything, comments on everything, and thinks all of his jokes are just hilarious? So, he's all of the above, and just won't stop? Yeah, that was him. Pretty much, I was ready to commit murder. I was ready and willing to take him down. All six feet and 300 pounds of him. I could've done it! I could!

And if that wasn't long enough, right afterwards was my second cousin's wedding reception. She's just a year older than I am, so I sort of felt obligated to go. I was chowing down on the butter mints, fruity slush (yummy), and chocolate-covered strawberries (delectable!), when one of my dad's cousin's came over to say hi. She threw her arm around my shoulder, squeezed me, and cried out, "This can't be Chessie!" I looked at her skeptically and said I sure could be. Then she said, "It can't be! What are you, 20?" Um, yeah. "Well, you look 14! That'll be a good thing when you're ten years older." Great. Just great. I look like an adolescent. And I was hoping people would take me seriously by now.

Well, I'm old enough to save your life. Apparently not old enough to drive. Crap.